Peace

My sister has been visiting – she was here for ten days. She went home on Tuesday, and to tell you the truth, much as I love her, I was ready for her to go. Somehow I became so worn down, so tired, so depleted. It wasn’t just her visit; it was life and all its demands, too.


After she left on Tuesday I sat in my red recliner and read. I finished a book I had started and read its sequel by 11 PM. On Wednesday I still felt listless and tired, but my five-year-old granddaughter came over and we played until dinnertime, I cooked dinner, and visited with our neighbors. Today I had an appointment to cut and color my hair, something that really needed doing, but I didn’t want to go. I was just feeling so worn down. There are so many things on my TO-DO list. But I did go.


And a funny thing happened. I was sitting in the chair with my head in the sink. My hair was being washed. The warm water felt good and Renee's fingers massaging my scalp felt wonderful. Suddenly I felt this feeling of peace come over me. The load lifted. Right then, there was no TO-DO list. I didn’t have to do anything, just sit there and shut my eyes and enjoy it.


I wasn’t talking because I was too tired, and it’s amazing how just shutting up can change you. I felt a stillness inside that I rarely feel. I almost wondered if my internal fire had gone out.


I still feel it now, and recognize it for what it is. It is that connection to the universe, to the Creator that is sometimes so elusive. I almost always feel that connection as JOY!!! (with exclamation points) but I realized today that I can feel that connection with a quiet deep happiness that is beautiful. Peaceful.


Living in this state of being is nice. I had a conversation that sometimes would make me feel defensive, but today I recognized just the need for information. I didn’t feel resentment when I started to make dinner, just a calm feeling of accomplishing a necessary task. My husband walked by me as I did the dishes and I felt a blaze of love go out to him.


I like this feeling. It is nice. I will have to remember to shut up more and find this place. This is a good place. This is wholeness.


~Jan